New House, New Me – Reflections Of My First 2 Weeks On My Own

When I drove away from my old place in Long Beach, I was crying. I loved that house. I loved being right by the beach, right by the shopping street. I loved being able to walk everywhere – to the store, to restaurants, to fun activities, to the beach. I remember movies by the beach, running by the ocean in the morning, seeing Catalina Island from my kitchen window while washing dishes, picking up a Starbucks before work, and walking to the playground with Christopher. Lots of memories with Christopher were made here. Holidays were fun in this neighborhood, everyone got so into Halloween and Christmas with decorating and I just love it! When we had originally found this house, I knew I’d want to stay forever. I absolutely loved the house, the neighborhood, and the person I moved there with. Driving away from it all was a bittersweet moment.

Not just the driving away was sad, though. The driving to was just as scary. I found a place in Yorba Linda in an apartment community. Going back from house to apartment wasn’t that big of a deal. I am still in a wonderful neighborhood and have quite the spacious apartment. And I really don’t mind apartment living and having pool and gym right here for free.

It All Came Crashing Down

My posts have been spotty lately. That’s because I’ve been going through another wave of pain, trying to work out all the different feelings that came crashing down all at once. Normally, I would have written them down here and shared with you… because a big reason for me to write this blog is to hopefully touch someone’s heart by letting them know “Hey, someone else has these problems, too. You are not alone.” But this time around, everything was so overwhelming that I just wanted to run away from it and not deal with it at all. I still don’t quite know how to put this feelings-meltingpot into words because during the last 2 weeks, I’ve been going through a roller coaster.

When A Picture Speaks More Than A Thousand Words

So it was my birthday. On paper, I get to spend this day with my son. I don’t have to share it or give it up, no matter what. Just that my birthday happens to also be son’s cousin’s birthday; and it was her first birthday this year. First birthdays are always special and they’re celebrated big. So was this one. The entire family was there, all the kids were there, and there was of course no way that I was going to keep Christopher away from that. So I had to be there, too…

The Grass Is Always Greener Where You Water It

This is not a whining post. It is a post written for women who think about getting a divorce. And really, it’s to stop them from doing so.

Granted, there are legitimate reasons to get divorced. If your husband is abusing you and you truly live in hell, by all means: Get out! And  take your kids! But if you’re thinking of getting out because “your feelings have changed” or “It’s just not working anymore” or something like that, then I want to implore you: Pull yourself together and remember the vows you have once made. I’m sure you weren’t kidding when you spoke them.

What If The Flag Hadn’t Still Been There?

Only in Long Beach do you get Mimosas out of a Styrofoam cup for brunch. But hey, they made up for the lack of glasses by giving us triple mimosas… and after that, everything seemed a bit better for the moment. The better was certainly enhanced by these roller skating girls, which, I am going to say, you also only find in Long Beach!

Not A Princess (Part 3)

Read Part 1.

Read Part 2.

Not A Princess (3)

I sit at the beach behind my favorite building with the green copper roof that looks like a castle
with a dead dream of being a princess.
Because princesses aren’t happy either and die in the end.

Not A Princess (Part 2)

Read Part 1.

Not A Princess (2)

I look out the window and I see the green copper roof of the old building I love
And I know I’ll never live there
because it looks like a castle and I am not a princess.
And I am not fit for a queen.

Not A Princess (Part 1)

I wrote this poem 2 years ago. Shortly after my divorce when my life had collapsed and was entirely in ruins. I thought it’s time to publish it. I had so much to muse about, it comes in three parts.

Not A Princess

Enough of the life in a box.

Enough to be a dreamer
like children that dream of being princesses.
I dreamed of marrying Prince William
because he was in the country right next to me
and he lived in a castle and he had all that he wanted.

But he married someone else
and he got the duchess
while I got a divorce.
And he still lives in a castle
While I live in an old 2-bedroom apartment
and he is having a little baby prince
while mine is being taken away from me.

A Business Plan For Your Life (Part 1)

Before you start a business, you make a business plan, right? You plan your goals, you set your objectives and you figure out your strategies and tactics to achieve those goals. You make a budget and plan for eventualities. And then you work your butt off to implement those strategies in order to get to your goals. Because if you don’t make your goals, or at least come close, you’re going to lose your entire investment and your livelihood.

I want to start exploring how a business plan for your life can make or break your life, or at the very least make it better. Join me for a series in which I will explore pivotal areas of our lives from a “business angle” to make them better.

Picking Up The Pieces

I was reading a post this morning on a blog I follow, called Smiling Through Tearz. The blogger, Seth Tearz, writes about his life after loosing his son to a drowning accident. This morning he started writing about how he lost his faith right after that happened. How he was angry with God. How he blamed him for what had happened. And it took him years to come back to the point where he can imagine having faith again. (I personally can’t agree with the details on how that happened, but that’s not the point.) I read the comments and everyone told Seth they were praying for him. Or encouraged him because it took them years too, to come back to God after a tragedy had happened. I left a comment and said something to the extend of “Isn’t it funny that we tend to blame God for everything? If there is no one else to blame, well, it must be God’s fault. And isn’t it amazing that despite it all, he forgave all of us for continuously blaming him even before we did it. And he loves us the same nonetheless. Isn’t it amazing to think of this love he has for us and yet we walk around bitter at him.”