“What’s It Like To Be A Heartbreaker?” He Asked


Heart Breaker, Valentine's Day, Singles Appreciation DayWell, well, well, what have we here? Valentine’s Day is right around the corner! So… in honor of this joyous day, I want all the single ladies to raise their hands up…! That’s right. Stand proud and tall if you’re single. I don’t know about you guys, but I’ll be celebrating Single Appreciation Day on February 14.

There’s a reason for that. Would I HAVE to be single? No. Absolutely not. I CHOOSE to be single. I decided to set my standards high and not ever again get into a relationship just for the sake of not being alone. My mom tells me my standards are too high. Some of my friends tell me my standards are too high. The guys that want to date me tell me my standards are too high. I say: My standards can be as high as I want them to be, because I am worth all of them.

So with V-Day coming up and all, my dear little Christopher hears stuff, right? (Not from me, but from people.) He needs to bring 3 million freakin cards to school, one for every kid in the universe as it seems (because that’s what V-Day is all about, right?). So he asks me the other day:

“Mom, what’s it like to be a heart breaker?”

Wow, I thought. Now THAT’s a question! I looked at him baffled. Overcoming the negative connotation automatically associated with this term and struggling to refrain from asking why ever he would think I’m a heart breaker, or know what that’s like, I proceeded to try and answer it.

Upon further reflection, though, I thought there must be an adult answer to that question. What IS it like to be a heart breaker? I’ve been one. And being on that receiving end of that grief you caused is anything but pleasant. It made me deal with lots of drama, tears, and crushed hopes. I had to firmly stand my ground on why I decided that this particular friendship wasn’t going anywhere. I had to listen to a lot of (dumb) arguments on why I should keep pursuing the relationship. And all of that came into being because I used that 2-letter word (no).

I’ve been on the receiving end as well. I’ve been told no. I’ve gone through the grief of getting my hopes crushed. I thought I had found that man who was just right for me, and then it turned out that he didn’t feel that way. And it really crushes your spirit when that happens. Most of us have experienced it at one point or another. For a few days, it feels like your body is going to die and your mind can’t concentrate on anything but that.

You Need To Listen To Keep Your Heart Whole

But I’ve learned that through it all, there’s always a reason for why relationships don’t work out, or don’t even start. You don’t see it when you’re in the pain, but it’s comforting to at least know in your head that there’s a reason. And to know that, in a few days, the pain WILL subside.

So what’s it like to be a heart breaker?
I say it’s a necessary part of life.

Sometimes, you have to break a heart, in order for it to mend properly. Chances are it was already torn when you met it. If one person thinks “This is it” and the other doesn’t, then this one person obviously has a shifted outlook on relationships, and maybe comes from a place of desperation. Something should tell that person: This is not the right place to be, because if it were, the other person would feel the same way.

I believe that when God brings two people together who are truly meant for each other, they will both know. If they listen to the Lord, and they really seek his will, they will agree. That’s why, as a Christian woman, I have made the decision to not date anyone who’s not a Christian. That’s for many other reasons as well, but one of the main reasons is exactly that: Real Christian men know to wait on the Lord and ask for his will. They know to seek HIS will when it comes to a relationship, not their own. And if it were God’s will for them to be with me, God would let ME know that, too. So if it doesn’t work out, these men will rest in the knowledge that God has someone better in mind for them, instead of crying over me not being “the one” and trying to convince me that I am.

It goes vice versa as well.

Waiting Here For You

There’s a song by Christy Nockels that I just love. It’s called “Waiting Here For You.” And in this context, you’d think I’m talking about the right guy. But that’s exactly the wrong perspective. The lyrics of the chorus go: “Waiting here for you with our hands lifted high in praise. And it’s you we adore, singing Alleluia.” She’s obviously singing to the Lord. When I am sad, or impatient, or don’t understand a situation – when I am on the receiving end of heartbreak, I recall this song. What is left for me to do? Wait. I patiently wait on the Lord’s timing. And all the while, I praise Him for guiding me NOT into a relationship that He obviously deemed bad for me. And I am thankful for knowing that I can trust Him to steer my life in a direction that’s exactly right for me.

So I am waiting on the right guy, but I am mainly waiting on the Lord. And trusting Him. And asking for His will. And when I do that, it will be clear to me who that right guy is going to be.

So this Valentine’s Day, I truly am appreciating singleness. If that’s where the Lord wants you to be, then you are in exactly the right place. And you wait here for Him with your hands lifted high in praise. And as you do that and you keep seeking His will, the right guy will come. And the right guy will think just like that and understand that.

The right guy will know that true happiness is found when you seek the Lord and follow his will. Only then will you be fulfilled in life.

It’s a necessary part of life that shows me I have the ability to make wise decisions and act like an adult. Being a heart breaker does not equal being rude or mean or nasty. It equals doing what is right and standing up for your convictions. And sometimes, in the process, you gotta play doctor. Sometimes, doctors need to break a broken leg even more in order for it to heal again properly. And after they do that, and you have gone through the pain, you can walk again. If that’s my job sometimes, I’ll gladly take it.

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